Becoming an Excellent Wife

Have you ever been sitting there minding your own business when all of a sudden you were hit with a piece of reality that just completely transformed your perspective… and then your entire life?

That’s exactly what happened to me recently. This reality completely transformed my marriage because it has completely transformed who I am & how I show up in my marriage.

As you may already know, in addition to his day job, my husband is the pastor of our church. One Sunday after a particularly moving sermon, I sat there and looked at him in awe.

I was in absolute awe of the work that God has done in and through this man. And I was suddenly overwhelmed with all the memories of our 18 years of marriage — the good, the bad, the ugly — all those memories that have culminated into who we are today as a couple.

Sitting there staring at him, I found myself in absolute wonder at the man that God had completely transformed. In that wonder, I began to consider how I could be an even better wife to him.

What this wasn't about

Now this consideration didn’t come from a place of desperation — a place that wanted to make him love me more. I didn't have a need for his approval. I wasn’t suddenly overwhelmed with the thought that I was going to lose my husband.

See, I already feel immensely loved and accepted and treasured by my husband, so I didn't need to make him love me any more than I knew he already did. I wasn’t under the impression that I had been a bad wife. I didn’t go into a place of feeling guilt or shame over the way I had behaved in our marriage. Not at all. For the most part, I can honestly say that I have been a pretty good wife.

But good is never great and my best can always be better.

Why I desired to become a better wife

My desire to be a better wife came from a place deep within me that wanted to give back to my husband what God has given to me through him.

So I set out on a journey to become a better wife to my husband. Which has led me to the description of the excellent wife in Proverbs 31.

A quick read of this chapter will reveal that the excellent wife doesn’t put her focus on being an excellent wife. Instead, she focuses on excellence in all the areas that any wife would encounter in her life: her faith, her work, her home, her wisdom, and her heart for others.

As women, we have a lot to juggle in life, and depending on what stage of life we are in, the demands may be different for each of us.

A young, newly married wife with no children will have demands that are much different than a mother of 3. And the brand new mother will have demands that are much different than the woman who has just met her 5th grandchild.

Where you and I are today is much different than where we were 10 years ago and where we will be 10 years from now. Our lives are continually shaping and we should be growing and transforming inside our lives a little each day.

At each phase of our lives, we will encounter different areas of growth. The key is to take those areas where we need growth and develop into the best possible versions of ourselves.

What if I never focused on my own growth?

If we don’t do this, we’ll find ourselves unprepared for the things life inevitably throws our direction. Sort of like a child who has to write an essay on “Tom Sawyer” but they never completely learned how to read. While it is technically possible for the child to accomplish this, there will be a vast amount of growth needed in a very short amount of time… and there will likely be a lot more growing pains in the process.

If we aren’t prepared for the basics of living an effective life as a woman in today’s society, we will find ourselves struggling much more than we have to.

And a struggling, frustrated, defeated woman does not make for an excellent wife.

how to become a better wife | Becki Johnson | Christian Coach

In my quest to become an excellent wife, I have had to come face-to-face with those areas of my life that cause me the most frustration. Those inner areas that may not be directly visible, but are most certainly responsible for the way I show up inside my marriage.

Slowly becoming an excellent wife

So as I’ve put my energy in truly developing myself in these areas, becoming “an excellent wife” has been the natural result.

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
(Proverbs 31:10) 

Admittedly, I’m not there yet. I still have A LOT of room for growth… and I always will. But I am continually growing into the best version of me and continually showing my husband the kind of wife that I long to be.

This is the first post in a series of several that will focus on becoming an excellent wife. I hope you will join me in this journey toward becoming the best version of ourselves so that we can become better wives to husbands God has so graciously given to us.


Would you like to join me in striving to become a better wife? Download the "Becoming an Excellent Wife" Workbook and walk alongside me in this journey.


Questions for reflection:

✽ How do you most want to grow as a wife right now?

✽ What might happen inside your marriage if you were to grow in this way?

Share your thoughts with us in the comments below.